Where to Start

well I really don't know where to start with this crazy life of mine.I just need a way to vent my feeling and cope, so I thought I would try blogging. I am a middle age women with 3 children and a husband that I'm not sure I can stand anymore.I've been married for 26 yrs and don't think I even still love him . He's made some really bad choices in his life that's affected mine. Approx 10 yrs ago when I was pregnant with my 3 child my husband had an affair that lasted about 5 months.I was told by his own brother who thought I already knew. I have never been able to forgiven him and really only stayed for my children.I'm not sure that was the best choice, I really feel that it wasn't the first time but could never prove it. we used to fight a lot but now I just don't care enough to fight with him about anything. I am very good at putting on a front for everyone around me. It's like I can't let anyone else know my real problems and how I really feel.I work in a medical office and love my job but do to my employers age I may be out of a job it the next few years. I really just hope its enough time to get my self out of the financial issues I also have, That's only going to take another $40,000 not counting my Mortgage . My finances and Family are another big story that helps with me depression. I had property left to me by my father when He died. My mom still lives there in the house I grew up in along with other family members. I told my family I would need to sell the property because I could not afford to pay the taxes and the Insurance, they agreed to pay the taxes and the Insurance If I didn't sell it and let them continue to live there. Well that was 11 years ago and It's been a fight every year since trying to get the taxes payed. Insurance has been canceled and the taxes are now 2 years behind.I was able to sell one piece of property but the wrong tract was transferred by the court house to the new owner.We were unaware of this until almost 3 years latter.  I went to sell another piece of property and was unable to due to the wrong tract being transferred. During the same 3 years my Husband had lost his job and was unemployed for a year and a half. So by the time we know they had transferred the wrong piece of property we had about $40,000 in liens on the property and could not transfer the deeds until the liens were paid. My home was also in foreclosure but I was able to get my mortgage re-done and saved my home. I've paid off about $10,000 of the liens but can't switch deeds until all the liens are payed. needless to say the property owner is not happy but does understand that the liens would be transferred to him is we did it now. I still own the property with the family home but that's where my 80 yr old mother and my sister and her family lives and since there are on a limited/fixed Income and can't afford to move I can't sell it e without putting them out on the the street. I love my children more than life its self and they are the only thing I have to keep me going. I thank god everyday for what I have and for all he does for me and my family. My life may be hard but there are always families worse off than mine. I know that god has a plan for me even though I don't understand what it is and what I need to learn from my life. I believe we are all here on earth to accomplish something I just wish I know what mine was.I talk to god everyday and never question my belief in him. He helps me through everything in his way. You just really need to make sure what you ask for is what you really want.  Thanks for reading my blog and any suggestions are welcome.